rebull | Vatheon Voicemail.

That's not what I said you dumbass. I could have taken off before it happened and yet for some reason I thought death would be nicer then being without you.

Well I know I'm amazing but it seems even I can't live through a knife in the chest. [Another bitter laugh] Someone should have told the Neophyte, maybe she would have aimed for that over my arm.

How. [How could you feel that way for him. How could you do that to her. How could you find something like that with another when she had centuries and nothing truly compared.]

I doubt she was aiming for death, Fang, if she chose and arm.

I- I don't know, damn, Fang! How could I fall for a pirate that's kept slaves? I still did. Same with this. [He knows, he knows, damnit, and he feels terrible. Part of him died with her, would always be with her, he's been trying to mend that part of his heart back slowly...]

I know what she intended, sweet, I lived it.

That story of my life was over before you even crawled out of the Mother Grub. He was still cowering in a cave last I saw. [She's so angry, so frustrated. The old impulse to destroy things comes to mind and it takes all her will not to destroy the communicator. She can even feel the touch of tears of frustration in her eyes. At least. She hopes they're frustration.]

Lysunder...

I know, he, he told me, he's told me a lot. We've had a good amount of time to get to know eachother, in my youth before you and I, and after when I barely had a thing left but my war, and he's waited and cared about me a lot and I- [Pauses, hearing his name. There's more silence before he stops moving and just stares down at his communicator in his hand.]

Yeah...

Did he tell you all the things he did once upon a time. Or was it just horrible stories about my life. He was one of Her little executors, and he would have continued that way had her pretty face not stopped him.

[Silence] You say it as if I never waited. I waited for your, for years. I waited, knowing what would happen, but needing to see who you would be. I would have kept waiting had I been able to.

...call me by name Lys. Not Fang. Not Legs. At least give me that instead of the impersonal names.

Yes, he did, with enough pushing. Just as you told me of yours, how you manipulated people, killed Redglare by forcing those near my caste, enslaved others, murdered without thought. Yes, I know, you still don't... don't understand remorse, do you? [A sigh.]

I know, and after it all, I loved you, we were together, but when I arrived here I didn't know all that, the rebellion had, it had barely started. There was no w-waiting, I wasn't even aware to- [A hitch, hearing that.]

Marquise- [Winces.] We were together, and before what happened, we were golden but- [Shakes his head, not knowing the words to follow with.]

Edited 2013-01-24 01:35 (UTC)

What can regrets do but keep me from sleep. I cannot go back and repair what I was done for many. But I stopped. I haven't stepped into the mind of another for years, not even those I'd consider enemies. And I did that for you.

So by someone ridiculous twist of fate he has taken my place? [There's a sharp crack in her voice, one she can't hide] I loved you, truly, I did so much for you. And now with a second chance to be had I will have to spend it without you?

Not Marquise. [She practically snarls the title.] You know my name, at least have the decency to use it as you push your knife a little deeper.

Yes, and Darkleer's learning to do that same, he's just, he's not you, Spinneret. -No! No... he hasn't taken your place. I-[A frantic sigh, sliding a hand through his hair.]

I loved you too, and you don't- [Grits his teeth.] There isn't a second chance. You died, and- and I prepared myself to live with that fact. I knew killing you would mean I couldn't have you ever again, there's no second chances after that, Spinneret, I, I don't think I could handle that, and it took sweeps to deal with it. I was ready to never be w-with anyone else again, and then I came back here, here where I, where he and I had something, and I still felt that way. You being alive is already something I never thought I could handle again, and I, I really don't know what to say about it anymore.

I loved you so much- and I, I still love you, but that's- that's heavier than I can stand.

Edited 2013-01-24 01:52 (UTC)

Of course he's not me. He could never be me and he never will be. [She's more then half blind by now, her good eye blurred with tears she won't let herself shed. She didn't cry in death she won't cry now.]

Yes, there is. I'm here again, I breath I walk I talk. I'm alive and so are you and we could try again. My fate has come and gone and we could get it all back my darling, why can't you see that? I still want you I still love you and you love me. It'll hurt more, won't it, to be so close and yet unable to touch each other when we know we could. We could. You just need to take that leap to me and we can have it all again, without the pain of death and heartbreak.

[There's another soft choke as she tries to control herself with little success] I love you so much, my sweet, my Lysunder... come back to me and let me hold you up again...

No, he won't, and I don't want him to be you- shit, Spinneret, don't, cry, please don't cry- [He knows you better than that, dear. Tears in your eyes pretty much is crying for you. Panicking a little, holding a hand over his face, he tries to keep up, stuttering here and there.]

No, that wouldn't- I can't do that, we can't. [Frustrated, he really doesn't know how to describe this. Being with her again, it'd be like everything that happened never did, he'd fall back into it and never grow up from the experience. Summoner's never been one to be chained down, never one to regret like that, regret enough to take what he did back. But those words just don't come to him, he's scrambling for something to say but he just feels his face heat up.]

Spinneret, please, I- I can't do that, w-we really can't. I'm sorry, this is all, all really confusing and frustrating... [He hasn't cried in sweeps either, hell, felt like he cried out everything when Spinneret finally grew cold in his arms. But his face heats more, knowing there's a need to show how upset he is, but it doesn't happened. Even as he thinks about that, about her holding him up, about wrapping around her, kissing her. He doesn't want to think about these things, it's just hurts, and he forces them out, trying to stop them from appearing in his mind as she speaks.]

I'm not crying, y-you stupid, waste of air and nice ass, f-fuck you. [And here comes the cruel words and denials because like hell she's going to admit to emotions.]

We can, we can. Oh we can, my darling, my sweet. We could do it, and this time we could be happy for ever. Together, you, I, we could do it and we could have it all. [She's practically begging, something she's never done in her long lived life, but the very idea of never having him again, his warmth, his laughter, his kisses, never having any of it fills her with the same ice that the idea of running did. She couldn't live that life, not when she's had what she has with him. Nothing could compare]

Lysunder, please, my darling, my sweet, my heart, I love you. So very much. I want you, I need you, and deep down you want and need me too. We were so much better together. We helped each other so very , how can you not see that we were perfection incarnate together, you and I? [This time the choked sob escapes, as well as a tear before she can angrily wipe them away. And it aches, her heart aches with every beat, more then it did with a knife through it. It aches and it hurts and she wishes she could just tear it out and keep going, tear it and all her memories out. This is what flushed feels like and this is what she ran from, away from handing all her control to another. And it hurts and she just doesn't know how to stop it]

[Ow... he does... he does have a nice ass though, thank you.]

[As for the begging, he knows and dear god he can't stand it. Listening to her beg like that is really difficult, knowing her, her composure... Hearing it so freely brings only more silence to him, unable to find anymore words, any new ones anyway. He already said he can't that they can't, and he's just getting too worked up to think of anything else.]

Damnit Spinnerent, stop, I- can't do this. [He snarls and growls because if he doesn't he might focus on how he can hear her sob now. He hates running-

he does, but he doesn't know what to say and if he keeps listening to her like this he doesn't know what he'll do.]

[So...

he disconnects.]

[And blocks her.... for now anyway.]

[Now to curl up somewhere not here, not around anyone, and pretend to be birds for a while.]

Lysunder... [Thats all she can get out before he cuts the call and his is name is only met with dead silence. Her hand shakes as she checks the communicator, checks if it was just an accident. It had to be. He wouldn't do that to her. But when she presses his name there's nothing. So she presses again. And again and again and tears of anger start to form as she swings her arm back at pitches the communicator into the distance with a scream of fury. She cares not where it goes, anger swelling up in her frame, metal hand swinging out to hit against a tree with a sharp crack, bark flying from the tree.

She is going to burn this place to the ground.]

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